Pre-21st Birthday Thoughts

A year isn’t very long but as I read through what I wrote for my last year’s birthday, I almost could not believe that a year has passed and here I am sitting in front of my desktop alone in my room have grown a year older but none wiser. This is what many of us do as we grow older, we flashback to the past years and recollect bittersweet memories. What things I would have done differently? I wish I had done that. Or I shouldn’t have done this. The rewind began at when I was in my sweet 16 when I first met my dearest mentor and the impact she has brought to my life. She even continued to influence me after I met the first man in my life who shared my youth for 3 and half years. In spite of the most two important people who had changed my life dramatically in varied ways before I turn 21, I do not think my innate characters have shifted even slightly. You might say it’s because I have not experienced life enough or at all, which I just could not agree enough as a idiom goes in Mandarin 「打鐵趁熱」”da3 tie3 chen4 re4 – Strike while the iron is hot”; being 21, the iron still burns to be forged. What do I know about life?

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Basic Mandarin Lessons , Happy Birthday Song in Chinese

I just had my birthday two days ago. Whoever read my last entry would think that I am the owner of a lonely heart, well I was, before I realized how many people actually care about me.

It was the afternoon of July 20th, I buried my head in the blanket crying about how screwed this birthday was going to be with no friends, no parties, no celebrations. My beau came to me and consoled me with his greatest effort to let me know that I was not alone. I was done listening to the same lines because all these years, I have been troubled by difficulties I have of building a hookup with almost anybody and I didn’t image this to happen at the ages of being a teen but when I enter a stage where my boundaries become more clear and deep because of my own disciplines and principles as a grown- up. Finally, he asked me which restaurant I would like to be having a dinner with the family. He’s always been good with me; he knows that some good food can always bring a smile on my face. So I made a quick reservation at a Thai restaurant I’d always wanted to go back again but hadn’t had a chance to.

The dinner was good. I loved the Thai milk tea there. We ordered a dish after another one and gnawed until our bellies were full of spiciness and sourness. Here is one of the pictures taken at the restaurant:

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Pre 20th Birthday Plan

So my birthday is in one week. Every day only gets more melancholy as life moves me closer to the age of 20. Looking around people who have turned 20 ahead of me have had their birthday party bashed hard, I never apt to compare myself with others besides I’m not really into crowds so I guess I am just being 19 to have an desire for a birthday party to celebrate the beginning of an era in my life.

My beau has been asking me how I want to spend my special day since June, whether I want to have a party in a club, a motel or a barbecue party, that is even better. I flashbacked to my 19 birthday party last year, it wasn’t so special because it was only another year to count, on my own request, he threw a small pizza party for only me and the girls I had been friends with since junior high school. I thought it would be a nice one as it was not only my birthday but also a reunion dinner for four of us since we had been apart, meeting different people, living lives differently once we entered colleges. I looked forward to it wholeheartedly. However they never showed up, neither of them did. I fell into a great depression for days; even now, when I look back on it, it still hurts me as much as it

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